When it comes to mock draft season, there are some picks that seem to just piss off their fan base. Whether it’s a position you don’t think your team needs, a player you think is a reach, or sometimes just a player that doesn’t make sense, there is always a heated debate when it comes to mock drafts. So let’s throw it all into one and see if we can make the mock to piss off everyone.
Round 1
#1 Arizona Cardinals
Kyler Murray – QB – Oklahoma | Turns out the speculation was true. Kingsbury trades away last years’ first round pick Josh Rosen and takes Kyler Murray first overall. Air raid fanboys rejoice while Cardinal fans are left wondering WTF.
#2 San Francisco 49ers
Quinnen Williams – DT – Alabama | The 49ers get a great scenario where they basically get the top pick in the draft. Lynch decides to throw team needs out the window and go with the pure best player available.
#3 New York Jets
Jonah Williams – OT – Alabama | Jets fans rejoice as it appears Nick Bosa has fallen in their lap. However those cheers turn to boos as Adam Gase is too afraid of Sam Darnold getting hurt so he reaches for the top o-lineman in the draft.
#4 Oakland Raiders
Josh Allen – EDGE – Kentucky | Gruden is pissed off with Kyler Murray off the board. He decides to go with an edge rusher, because it’s hard to find a good one. He takes Allen over Bosa because he likes how much Allen reminds him of Kahlil Mack.
#5 Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Josh Jacobs – RB – Alabama | New coach Bruce Arians looks around and realizes he doesn’t have a running back, so he decides to dip into his Alabama past at #5 overall. New DC Todd Bowels is left confused.
#6 New York Giants
N’Keal Harry – WR – Arizona St. | Pat Shurmer is really dedicated to Eli Manning. His thought is if he can just put enough weapons around him, the Giants will succeed.
#7 Jacksonville Jaguars
Greedy Williams – CB – LSU | The Jaguars sign Nick Foles so coach Doug Marone feels the offense is set. Spends the off-season developing a new 3-2-6 quarters base defense.
#8 Detroit Lions
Clelin Ferrell – EDGE – Clemson | Matt Patricia and Bob Quinn scramble to find out if anyone attended Nick Bosa’s birthday party. They decided to go with Ferrell because they agree, that’s what Bill would have done.
#9 Buffalo Bills
Dwayne Haskins – QB – Ohio St | Sean McDermott isn’t 100% sure that Josh Allen knows how to throw anything but a deep ball. Decides to draft Haskins and will use them both in an attempt to make the most complete QB in the league.
#10 Denver Broncos
Nick Bosa – EDGE – Ohio St | Elway sits back, laughs, and says, “screw it, we don’t really need to cover anyone if we put 6 pass rushers on the field.”
#11 Cincinnati Bengals
Cameron Smith – LB – USC | New head coach Zac Taylor knows the Bengals need to address the linebacker position. He’s pretty sure he saw Smith and Sean McVay get lunch one day in SoCal, so he’s sure Smith will be a great pick.
#12 Green Bay Packers
Marquise Brown – WR – Oklahoma | New head coach Matt LeFluer just wants to make Aaron Rodgers happy. Spends rounds 2-7 drafting offensive lineman, figures he’ll go into the season just letting Rodgers sling it around.
#13 Miami Dolphins
Ed Oliver – DT – Houston | Chris Grier and Brian Flores look around and realize they have more needs than picks. Pull a name out of a hat and get lucky.
#14 Atlanta Falcons
Noah Fant – TE – Iowa | Steve Sarkisian sneaks into the war room drunk and makes the pick, yelling something about weapons as he runs back to Alabama.
#15 Washington Redskins
Brett Rypien – QB – Boise St | Dan Snyder and Bruce Allen try to re-live the last time the Redskins were actually good. Both are disappointed afterwards to find out Brett is only Mark’s nephew and not his son.
#16 Carolina Panthers
David Edwards – OT – Wisconsin | Ron Rivera is willing to do whatever it takes to keep Cam healthy. Even if that means starting a 57 year old Julius Peppers on defense.
#17 Cleveland Browns
Rashan Gary – DL – Michigan | John Dorsey wastes no time and takes a guy that should have gone in the top 10. Everyone is stunned that the Browns seemed to have made a good pick.
#18 Minnesota Vikings
Cole Tracy – K – LSU | The Vikings shock everyone and try to address their biggest need that has plagued them for years. Rick Spielman is then shown the video of Tracy missing an extra point at the Senior Bowl.
#19 Tennessee Titans
Kelvin Harmon – WR – NC State | The entire state of Tennessee gives a collective shrug. Bars around Nashville are filled with people saying, “I mean, I don’t hate the pick, but…”
#20 Pittsburgh Steelers
Riley Ridley – WR – Georgia | The Steelers decide to ignore the problems on the defensive side of the ball and prepare for life without Antonio Brown. Keith Butler weeps.
#21 Seattle Seahawks
Devin White – LB – LSU | Pete Carroll decides to switch to an old school 4-4 defense. He figures if they are going to ground and pound, might as well have the defense to match.
#22 Baltimore Ravens
Devin Bush – LB – Michigan | John lost a bet to Jim over the holidays.
#23 Houston Texans
TJ Hockenson – TE – Iowa | You can hear the collective sigh from Houston. “But we drafted 2 last year,” is heard being said throughout the bars. Meanwhile, Deshaun Watson was just sacked again.
#24 Oakland Raiders (from Chicago Bears)
Brian Burns – EDGE – Florida St | As Gruden said, It’s hard to find a good pass rusher.
#25 Philadelphia Eagles
Irv Smith – TE – Alabama | Doug Pederson’s new strategy is to fill his offense with nothing but tight ends. Wentz prefers it that way.
#26 Indianapolis Colts
Drew Lock – QB – Missouri | Jim Irsay makes the pick just to mess with everyone.
#27 Oakland Raiders (from Dallas Cowboys)
Montez Sweat – EDGE – Mississippi St | **Update: Gruden tried to select Clelin Ferrell. After being told he was already selected, Gruden said “I don’t care man, just get me the next guy that can rush the passer. You know, it’s hard to find a good one.”
#28 Los Angeles Chargers
Will Grier – QB – WVU | Phillip Rivers adds his 10th child.
#29 Kansas City Chiefs
Cody Ford – OT – Oklahoma | Andy Reid is too afraid to let anything happen to Mahomes. New strategy is to go full Big 12, screw defense.
#30 Green Bay Packers (from New Orleans Saints)
Byron Murphy – CB – Washington | Last year wasn’t enough, let’s get one more for good measure.
#31 New England Patriots
Hunter Renfrow – WR – Clemson | Why delay the inevitable?
#32 New England Patriots (from Los Angeles Rams)
Andy Isabella – WR – UMass | Our only trade of this mock. The Patriots use their 2 second round picks to move up and make sure they get all the good, small, white receivers in the draft.